Zia Nuray (zianuray) wrote,
Zia Nuray

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Emily, Rick, and Me

Every once in awhile, someone asks me how I am with what Em is doing.

The short answer is, I'm fine with it.

The longer answer is, I'm fine with it; I'm happy; she's happy; yes, we're staying together. But yes, it gets a little weird at times. Not because of anything specific she does or doesn't do, just that the situation is not one I had ever imagined myself in and some days I'm not quite sure what to make of it.

This is gonna be very disjointed, so bear with me:

I'm not married to Rick anymore, but we didn't get divorced, and really he's not dead, though Em refers to him that way. We've had a few discussions when she said,"Nope, I never did that, RICK did that!" I reminded her that Emily didn't marry me, Rick did. If you're the same person, we're still married, but if you don't want to take responsibility for what you did then keep in mind that is rejecting our marriage which takes "us" out of the equation.

Yes, Rick is an asshole -- but he is good to me. And think about this -- who did I love and trust enough to marry, which was not easy, especially after that first go-round where the sumbitch (Sheryl's sperm donor) near to killed me a couple of times? I still flinch occasionally due to that.

Most of what "gets" me is what this change means to me. I've never considered myself anything but het, and now I'm married to a woman? Yes, I know how this happened; it's just a little...well, odd.
And the first time you step out of a stall in the ladies' loo and find the person you're used to thinking of as your husband at the sink, touching up her lipstick? Yeah, that's unsettling.

When we first got together, before we got serious, Rick told me he liked to cross-dress, and assured me he wouldn't take it past my comfort level. I have other friends who are cross-dressers so I'm familiar with the concept and that didn't rattle me -- I just hadn't realized it was such a big deal to some people. I mean, who does it hurt? I would get Rick a present at the traditional times, and I would get (then) Karan something as well -- a necklace, eyeshadow I thought she'd like, just little things, as much to show Rick I accepted that part of him as anything else.

Rick/Karan also told (my daughter) Sheryl, as we felt she had a right to know and he didn't want to hide it from her -- she was cool with it, in spite of Rick's fears.

Soon Rick changed his "girl name" from Karan to Emily Rose Matthews, about the same time we found there would be a "Girls' Day Out" in Eureka Springs; a day for male crossdressers to enjoy the town and getting out "en femme" with their wives. Em was gonna skip it. Heh. Ask her about that day :)

I know that some people are going to look at us and think "lesbians" and that's ok -- since I'm staying in this voluntarily, I'm bi anyhow, right? :) And I've been introducing her as my wife.

Em is making very sure the transition doesn't affect my (current) rights to the PX, commissary, and VA medical, nor hers, so that's a big worry that's been neutralized.

I won't be changing my last name. Five in one lifetime is plenty for me.

Tags: about me, daughter, dh, emily, family, trans
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