Zia Nuray (zianuray) wrote,
Zia Nuray
zianuray

Poll #1743846 New religion -- why not? (About 40% serious at this point)

Basic idea:

Make the world better while you're here.
9(81.8%)
Sneer at anyone else (don't we have enough of those?).
0(0.0%)
Salvation through beer, TV and hookers (wait, that sounds familiar too).
0(0.0%)
Just chill, man.
2(18.2%)

Communion would involve

Chocolate and Bubbly
1(10.0%)
Strawberries and Cream
1(10.0%)
Pretzels and Beer
0(0.0%)
A loaf of homemade bread and a bottle of mead
7(70.0%)
A trip to the all-you-can-eat buffet
1(10.0%)

Pick your Penance

More communion
1(11.1%)
Flogging
1(11.1%)
Manual labor (gardening, cleaning, roadside trash pickupetc)
2(22.2%)
Service (serving in a homeless shelter, meals on wheels)
5(55.6%)
Public humiliation
0(0.0%)
Fines (payable to the church, of course)
0(0.0%)

Name it:

Clergy Title(s)

Duties of said Clergy

Poke and pry into members' lives
0(0.0%)
Dispense penance
4(20.0%)
Collect tithes
2(10.0%)
Arrange group opportunities for service
8(40.0%)
Speechify now and then (hey, everyone needs naptime occasionally!)
5(25.0%)
Go-between for members and Prime Cause
1(5.0%)

Observances/Practices

Service
8(17.0%)
Fasting
2(4.3%)
Meditation
8(17.0%)
Yoga
4(8.5%)
Tai-Chi
3(6.4%)
Labyrinth-walking
6(12.8%)
Playing with children
7(14.9%)
Drumming/music/noise
9(19.1%)

Meeting place(s)

Coffee Shop
8(25.8%)
Public Park
8(25.8%)
Members' homes
5(16.1%)
Dedicated building
3(9.7%)
Retreat Center
7(22.6%)

Choice of Deity

Female Principle
2(10.0%)
Male Principle
1(5.0%)
Other
1(5.0%)
Any
4(20.0%)
All of the above
4(20.0%)
None of the above
1(5.0%)
Individual Choice
3(15.0%)
One from Column A, one from Column B....
4(20.0%)
So I file off the serial numbers and change a few names...should still be able to rack up the contributions with a good marketing agent!
 
And yes, I realize this will likely offend some folks -- that's what the "leave a comment" button is for.  
Tags: humor, poll, questions (semi-rhetorical), randomosity, religion
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